Children No Longer
by Lola Lorne

Long ago you were kind to me,
Long ago you tried to protect me from harm
You were my first inspiration
You were a hero in a little girl’s eyes

I believed in your music,
I admired your art,
I read your writing with an avid heart

When the first punch came I brushed it away
Telling myself it was just a sign of your pain
When your words became cruel I defended you all the same
Because after all, long ago . . . you were kind to me

When I asked to be taught, you turned me away
You didn’t have the time for a little girl today
I offered whatever you wanted in return
And I did not understand your greed because long ago, you were kind to me

When you took, and took, and demanded more
I could not see this as an act of a user
Even when my hands came back empty
I was just a little girl you see, and long ago you were kind to me

You would not teach me your music
You refused to ever show me the ways of art
You mocked my joy in writing, and broke my heart

When I grew up and you still hit me, I asked you to stop
You laughed thinking it funny and insulted me on top
When you said my body mattered more than my mind
I swallowed my discomfort because once upon a time, you were kind

When I gave up on asking and began to teach myself
You ignored my efforts and thought only of yourself
Instead of pride that I managed to get by
You told everyone I hurt you by daring to try

When you demanded money, and I gave all I could give
You made false promises, like so many wishes poured through a sieve
You took everything and more, until I began to sell the things I love
For gifts for your children, but even this was not enough

I should have known when you hurt me
I should have known when you betrayed my trust
I should have known on that day you sold me out to a stalker
That my love for you never truly mattered much

But I carried my tears throughout the years
I hid the constant pain you caused
Because we grew up with shared hurt
And so very  long ago . . . you were kind to me

But little girls grow up to be fierce and strong
And I am no longer someone who will stand silent when wronged
Wish me death all you want, throw tantrums, it will be for naught
Because the love I have now will always win over what you’ve wrought

Long ago you were kind to me,
Long ago you did not think compassion for the weak
But your boy’s heart has been twisted into entitlement
Your words filled with hate, so now I must speak
Because I hope this fog lifts from your heart
Because I know you weren’t like this from the start
But I won’t be hurt by you any longer
Because I am not that little girl from long ago.

2 thoughts on “In Blood, Divided

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